Can’t Lose for Winning
Few would argue the fact that I have been blessed by God with an amazing life. Incredible parents, a beautiful wife, and four amazing children. I have my dream job and have traveled the world spreading the love of Jesus through coaching college basketball. So even after one of the most disappointing losses of my career yesterday, how could I even dare to allow joy to leave my heart? Even when frustration, fear of replacing eight talented seniors, and second guessing my coaching decisions are all pounding at the door, I have a smile and tell them to go away. I have found where my joy resides. It rest and stays in Jesus. With the Spirit of my Savior living in me, I can’t lose for winning.
Eight years ago today, March 8, 2011 at 7:50 A.M. I suffered the loss of my father to cancer. After a long challenging battle, dad won his final battle, as he took his first steps on the streets of gold. This is a video dad made for my team two days before going to heaven. CLICK HERE
Winning was installed in me by my father. Nobody I have ever met outworked, stressed details, or demanded excellence more than pops. He did so first by example. He was a coach at heart, but became a brick mason by trade to support our family. He was a man’s man and a foreman over a band of hard working men. Hot or cold, he would wake up before sunlight and head out to work, often driving an hour each way. Once home he would either be coaching one of my or my sister’s teams or playing and coaching one of his teams. When I was very young he raced cars, but his first love was sports and coaching. Until age 40 he played competitive softball and basketball, often six night a week. We had so many trophies in our house, it looked like a trophy case in a successful high school hallway.
While my mother was championing the faith in our home, dad was instilling work ethic, being on time, and never quitting. Being the leading scorer was no big deal, but missing a layup or a free throw sure was. I honestly can’t remember my father ever missing a day of work. He refused to get sick. His workers depended on him to be at work, so they could feed their families so he delivered. Making B’s in class were not an option, nor was missing school for any reason. I told my kids at a young age what I took from father, “Bostwick’s always show up, do their best, have a great attitude, and never quit.”
Maybe that is why losing has never set well in my stomach. Mental toughness was never an issue as dad knew exactly how to instill that, but physically caring that much about losing can take a toll on you physically. I feel like I die a little after every loss. I once pulled the bus over after a loss while coaching high school basketball to throw up. I have been in ER at 2 am feeling like I was having a heart attack because of pressure in my chest. I have spent days unable to get the stars to go away in my vision after games. I am getting close to double figures in kidney stones hitting me at the end of March madness, which doctors say are a result of stress and dehydration of the season.
Many say the key to winning is hating to lose even more than you love to win. Most coaches lose sleep because losing keeps you up as you replay every decision and mistake you made during a loss.
After becoming a head college basketball coach in 2007, it took 93 games and three seasons before we lost two consecutive games. It took 296 games and nine seasons before we lost three consecutive games. In 12 seasons we have been blessed to win 327 games or 78.6% of our games. At OKWU in six seasons we have won 84.2% of our games. We even broke a NAIA Division II record winning 39 consecutive games at one point.
When it comes down to it, in 12 years of being a head college basketball coach, I have endured 89 losses or a little over 7.4 per season. As I said, when I was younger losses destroyed me. I was in my second season as a head high school coach finally reaching my dream of becoming a head coach. Instead my wife and I endured a miscarriage in both my first two seasons. I truly discovered what real loss felt like. Winning games did not ease that pain. Going in to hear your child’s heartbeat and not hearing anything made a loss in a game seem like nothing. Going in a second time to hear the heartbeat only to suffer through the same pain was devastating. Then to hear a doctor say that there was a good chance that my wife and I would not be able to have children was dream crushing. That is until God steps in and turns a loss into a win. You see as a Christian I can’t lose for winning. We decided to try one more time on getting pregnant. We wrote down our desires and stood on God’s promises. The day of the playoff pairings we went in to hear the heartbeat. It was the day God showed me where to my find my joy. We heard my son’s heartbeat that day and winning basketball games fell to a distant third behind Christ and family. It is also the day coaching became my ministry instead of my profession. Four kids later, I still do not enjoy losing and do not plan on getting used to it, but it no longer controls my joy.
With all the success God has blessed me with in my career winning 3 National Championships. I have lost in a high school state championship game and in a NAIA National Championship Game. We actually lost that game by the largest margin of defeat in NAIA history on national television and now I can add the only one seed to lose to an eight seed in NAIA Division II tournament history. I would be lying if I was to say it does not hurt, as I feel so frustrated about letting my players down failing to lead them further into the tournament, but my Joy remains and oozing over as my passion and joy stay constant in Christ.
William Felton Russell is possibly the most successful basketball player of all-time, with 11 total NBA championships in 13 years. Bill won two NCCA championships at USF, was captain of the 1956 gold medal winning championship team. Even Bill lost once in a while. I love his approach though.
“I don’t have very many regrets, not because I lived a perfect life but because life is a bunch of rolling hills, not mountains, or speed bumps instead of stop signs, and so you come to a situation and it is neither bad or good, it just is, and what it means to you is what’s your take on it. But the second part of the equation is what are you going to do about it. A lot of times I’m completely wrong, but all you do is back up and start over. “ Bill Russell – NBA Legend
As a Christian coach, we should pursue excellence and winning, but losing only is the enemy if you allow it to steal your joy. My next great journey begins today. My first step is pursuing Christ even harder than my last amazing journey. I hope I see you at the top of the next mountain.