2020 BASEBALL ANYONE?
The Great American Past Time is coming back soon.
Because everyone needs a laugh, let’s play a little Baseball 2020 Style!
Let’s set the stage for this Summer Classic. It is game seven and lives are riding on today’s game. These are the biggest stakes riding on a game since Jesus Cross’s “Miracles Squad” shocked the world and overcame an insurmountable lead. That seems like 2000 years ago. A new rule change has the good guys playing on the road, but they are the home team on the field. There is a lot of frustration coming from the traditionalist about some of the recent rule changes. Where are all these changes coming from and who is the driving force behind them? The enemy’s stadium is one of the most difficult places to win in the league. Some say it is because of the darkness, others say it is the summer heat. In order to win on the road today, the good guys will have to put their faith in something or someone bigger than themselves. This situation looks impossible.
Starting Pitcher for the bad guys today is one viscous evil sucker. His name is Lucifer Lies and he is a real sinsation. He brings the heat straight out of hell. If you listen to him, you would think he is unbeatable. He is a very potent enemy as lethal as you will ever face. He throws a bunch of different pitches at you. The screw ball will make you feel helpless, but his strikeout pitch is the split-finger which leaves you feeling split in half.
Starting Pitcher for the good guys today is a young kid just called up. Some thought he would never make it and tried to abort him while in the minors, but the abortion attempt failed. He survived, a place where so many dreams die before they are ever born. His name is Bobby Future. Without Bobby coming through today there may be no future for the good guys. His best pitch is simple, a change-up. If Bobby does not hit his spots and pick the right moments to change, then this game is over before it starts.
I don’t have to remind anyone the importance of today’s game. If the good guys want to stay alive, then this game means so much more than any other game. Today the whole world is watching and wondering how the good guys will respond to adversity greater than this generation of players have ever seen.
Early in the game things seems to be going well. Eddie Economy got the good guys on the board early with a bunt single, a stolen base, and scores on an RBI sacrifice fly by Ronnie Capitalism. The last three years Ronnie has really been on a roll. His stock has really been on the rise. With two outs in the second inning Trust Israel surprised everyone with a long ball that lands in the left field bleachers. Jerusalem Capitol came in to score as well making the score 3-0 good guys going into the top of the fifth inning.
Johhny Future has really looked good. Keeping the enemy at bay. He has had complete control of his pitches so far. The enemy has struggled to overcome the lightning reflexes of the defense up the middle keeping the bad guys off the bases thus far. You know how baseball goes though, momentum can change on a dime and just when you let yourself get comfortable you leave the backdoor open where the enemy can take advantage.
The fifth and sixth inning can be a game-changer. The starters pitch counts come into play and even though Bobby Future is having one of the best games of the season and his career, the manager and pitching coach are watching Johhny’s every pitch. J Future’s history has been one that has been full of ups and downs, so what will this day hold? That 3-0 lead is looking really good on the scoreboard right now though.
The top of the fifth was a little rocky, but Future was able to get out of trouble before Jim Peachment came to the plate. In the sixth with Jim Peachment hitting a leadoff double for the bad guys. Future was able to strike out both Nan “Speech Terror” Pelosi and Hill Clinton to almost get out of trouble, but Manny Senate and House Reps both take Future deep into the count before walking the bases loaded. The bad guys seem to be considering using pinch hitter Jeffrey Epstein for possible a suicide squeeze play, but instead Collin “Crazy” Congress steps to the plate, this corner infielder has been known to do some impactful things over the years.
Congress is capable of changing the game and on this day, he did just that ripping a line drive down the line nearly taking first baseman Brett Kavanaugh head off. You should hear the hecklers behind first base throwing all kind of lies out there about Kavanaugh. You would think they were true if you didn’t know Brett’s tremendous background as a good man and player. Congress holds up on second with a game tying base clearing double. The damage is done and the good guys manager sends pitching coach out to make the pitching change. Jose Justice comes in to face the bad guys Chris Ford and ends the inning with a liar out to right field.
Lucifer did his job as well. He may be the best pitcher in the league at using deception and hiding his pitches. He has been caught red handed numerous time cheating, but for some reason a desperate manager picks him up come playoff time when they get greedy for a championship. Despite Lucifer’s success of darkening the hope for good guys fans, the bad guys manager decided to bring in a new pitcher as well in the bottom of the seventh inning. There is no tomorrow in game sevens, so anyone could be called on to serve their God on this day.
Top of the Seventh coming up, so you know what time it is. The Seventh Inning Stretch. With the game being at the Bad Guys House, they chose to not sing the National Anthem. Afraid of someone taking a knee and sparking a riot instead of a peaceful protest. No prayer before the game either, that may offend someone. So instead of honoring American the Beautiful and our veterans today, let’s enjoy a moment of silence.
After trying to enjoy the silence, let’s start the top of the seventh. The bad guys are bringing in a surprise pitcher out of the pen. Wearing no. 19 Johnny Corona is headed to the mound. JC’s nickname is “THE COVID KILLER”. Some say he comes from China, but nobody is certain. He is a junk pitcher that disguises his pitches well. His nasty pitch is the spitter. Nobody can come within six feet of this pitch. He has opponents in so much fear they are wearing masks at the plate. The word in the news is that he is so lethal that fans won’t even come to the game or sit next to each other because they are so worried about the outcome. Those at home have to enjoy the game on pay per view. Got to make a buck off someone since they can’t charge five dollars for a water at the games anymore. No greed there, just enjoying the great economy while it lasts. Funny thing, the economy is kind of like Bobby Future, it can be a little volatile at times.
Coming in for the good guys in the top of the seventh is David Hope. DH is also a great hitter and is available to pinch hit at times, but tonight all hope is in Hope’s right arm. The good guys place Hope on the DL recently, turning to the doctors in hope that they could help match Johnny Corona’s nasty stuff in the post season. Time will tell if the good guys can find a cure for Corona’s sickening stuff. Hope’s best pitch is a floater that really takes a lot of patience for hitters to hit. On this night, Hope was able to get three outs on fly balls, the last of which made it to the warning track off the bat of Spike Jones.
Johnny Corona is a beast. He is bringing it tonight. He nicknamed his spitter “Fearocious”. Some say Johnny is full of crap and his stuff is no more dangerous than Red “old school” Flu or Num Monia, who has been known to kill. The batters for the good guys are locked up in panic tonight as Corona has devastating stats that seem to be a little exaggerated if you ask me. Nobody doubts that Corona is a weapon on the mound and can kill, but you would think the world is coming to an end for the good guys if you listened to the news. The good guys go One-Two-Three in order in the bottom of the seventh.
What a crazy 2020 World Series game seven we have this season! Who would have thunk it? Going into the bottom of the 8th inning. Things are locked up like a family social distancing for six months. Is this madness ever going to change?
The bad guys are going to the bullpen once again. Who are they bringing in? It appears to be a pitcher who has been around forever. It is one of the ugliest players in the league. Rocky “Racist” Divider is on his way to the mound. This cat shows up all the time in the most unlikely places getting everyone in trouble. His best friend Demon “The Hater” Enemy was suspended for life earlier this season for instigating a fight that led to an innocent child’s death in the stands. I know it sounds crazy, but you would think that killing innocent babies was ok with some people these days. Racism came in like wrecking ball. He threw at the first batters head resulting in a warning, but then blamed security for his badge shining too bright in the stands behind the plate. You could feel, almost taste, the anxiety and tension building in both dugouts. Between every pitch the dugouts started chirping at each other over the smallest of things. In no time, everyone on both teams was hollering and gesturing back and forth. All it took was one inside fastball barely off the plate for both teams to file onto the field posturing to fight as everyone pointed fingers blaming someone other than themselves for the craziness. Divider easily slammed the door on the good guys in the 8th keeping the score locked at 3-3 going into the 9th inning.
The good guys manager is bringing in trusted veteran Westill Believe to hold the fort. Westill has been here before and the coaching staff is banking on his experience to pay off. His stuff is no longer electric, but he has been clutch for years. Coming to the plate for the bad guys is the top of the order Speedy “Ad” Diction, Stormy “Panic” Attack, and Jimmy “Deep” Pression. If anyone gets on base, then the heavy hitters come to the plate. Westill attempts to get up in the count with a first pitch fastball that Speedy was sitting on driving the ball back through the infield into center field for a leadoff single. Panic has been all over the place of late swinging at everything, surely Believe will get him out with pitches out of the zone. After two early swinging strikes on pitches off the plate, Westill is unable to get Panic to panic as the count goes full. Westill shows his first sign of doubt as he misses on the next pitch walking Panic. This brings Jimmy “Deep” Pression to the plate. “Deep” Pression has worked over the good guys since March and has had their number in 2020. The good guys Pitching Coach visits the mound trying to encourage Westill Believe as Little Faith starts warming up in the pen for the good guys. Deep “Pression” does his job moving the runners by sacrificing bunting. With one out in the ninth and runners on second and third, into the batter box walks the bad guys cleanup hitter Smoking “Hells” Gates. The good guys manager gives the intentional walk sign to keep “Hells” Gates from doing damage and putting the double play in order.
The good guys manager decides to hand the ball over to Little Faith. They say a Little Faith is capable of moving mountains. The good guys need Faith to show up in a big way. The bad guys see an opportunity and call on pinch hitter Judas Iscariot. Judas is well known for his ability to turn on anyone, even Jesus himself. Faith stares into the eyes of Judas as both corner infielders move in to guard against a suicide squeeze play. It is a risk that the good guys must take. Little Faith has all it takes to silence Doubt and once again he proves it. Doubt goes down in only three pitches. With two outs and the bases loaded the bad guys call on lefty Billy “the Anti” Christ. Billy is a mystery as nobody predicted his recent rise to fame. The good guys counter bringing in their own left hander to face the “Anti” Christ. Walking to the mound from the bullpen for the good guys is Sunday Church. Sunday Church is who most good guy fans believe in. They expect Church will take them to glory. So much for that theory as on the first pitch Billy “the Anti” Christ crushes Sunday’s routine fast ball deep into the air towards the wall in left center field. Billy may change his name to the real deal after this. Center fielder Ryan “Last Chance” Bible looks to have a bead on the ball as he is sprinting and timing his steps at an attempt to make a game saving leap and catch at the wall. He jumps. The ball looks to be in his glove. Wait, Bible was able to keep the ball in the ballpark, but the collision against the stone wall jarred the ball out and onto the ground. Billy was celebrating too early just rounding first base, but now kicks in his after-burner. Last Chance gains his composure never giving up on the play grabbing the ball and launching it in the direction of cut-off man shortstop Gabriel Horn who catches Billy rounding third base and heading toward home plate for an in the park Grand Slam. Gabriel in one motion cuts the ball off and sends a rope to home plate where catcher Michael Angel in one motion catches the ball and covers home plate up ending the inning. Michael stopped the bleeding, but “The Anti-Christ” damage was done as the scoreboard reads 6-6-6 for the bad guys. 6 runs on 6 hits and 6 errors. The score going into the bottom of the ninth bad guys six, good guys three.
The bad guys fans have the stadium rocking after putting what looks like nails in the hopes and hands of the good guys. Only three outs stand between hell finally getting the last laugh. Revenge has been on the bad guys minds for 2000 years, ever since Jesus Cross stepped up and saved the day. This time the darkness has really put a damper on the good guys hopes.
Coming in for the Blue Devils is closer Mark Beast. Beast has been known to put a chip in his arm or a mark on his forehead in an attempt to scuff up the baseball to mislead opposing fans of his ability. Is the game in the bag or do the good guys have the ability to overcome the impossible. Coming to the plate for the good guys in the bottom of the ninth is the bottom of the order. Zachius Weman and Doubting Thomas. These two prove to be no match for Mark Beast who is beating his chest after every pitch looking like a giant on the mound. A Goliath presence Beast looks untouchable. Only one out now stands between the darkness completely wiping out the light in the good guys.
Back to the top of the order for the good guys with James Thunder, John Thunder, and Simon Peter needing to score or this dream dies now. Who in the world would expect these three to come through? They are pretty ordinary hitters if you look at the numbers. They look like they should be fisherman instead of major league baseball players. The Thunder Brothers are still looking for their first hits in the series. They are a good defensive duo, but right now they need some offense.
James breaks his bat on the first pitch from Mark Beast, but wait it is gonna drop behind third base for a bloop single. John Thunder is known for his loving nature as a teammate, but has never been seen as a great hitter. Mark Beast has filthy stuff reaching 100 mph on the gun. On the first two pitches John has looked silly swinging extremely late on the pitches. Beast doesn’t hold back throwing another laser on the inner edge of the plate. Surprisingly, John is able to get wood on the ball, shattering the bat, and putting the ball into play as it slowly rolls down the first base line. Confusion on who was going to cover first base for the bad guys allows John to reach first base and advances James to second. Two on and no outs as Simon Peter, also known as the Rock, steps to the plate. Two very weak hit balls, which remarkably avoid the bad guys defense, brings the tying run to the plate with no outs for Simon Peter. Peter is known for his hot temper and rugged style of play, but he is also known for his fearless approach at the plate. Peter seems to be a completely different player from a few weeks ago. It is like a new spirit has taken over his life and is guiding him these days. After denying his faith to a little girl prior to playing the Roosters in the first round of the playoffs, Peter has once again found his focus on Jesus Christ standing in the on-deck batter box. Jesus smiles at Peter as if he knows the future and what is to come.
Even though Peter sometimes gets in funks, when he connects he makes rock solid contact. Mark Beast is staring Peter down as he settles into the batter’s box. These two have no love loss. They would just as much enjoy going toe to toe in a fist fight, but ever since the upper room Peter seems to be possessed with a whole different ability. The Beast brushes Peter off the plate on the first pitch throwing a 100-mph heater under his chin. Peter in years past would have charged the mound, but there is a peace in Peter that is hard to explain. Peter didn’t even blink as the heat came ever so close to his chin. Instead Peter seemed to have a smirk, it was like he had so much joy inside him that he could hardly hold it in. The next pitch from the Beast was a low fastball and Peter jumped all over it ripping the ball back up the middle nearly taking Mark Beast ear off. Still the scoreboard read 6-3 bad guys and the hostile crowd has broken out into a deafening roar.
What is the crowd chanting? The chants are pointed at the man in white walking to the plate. It sounds like they are screaming “Crucify Him”. The bad guys decide to match light with darkness as they go one more time to the bullpen. They are bringing in their ace Satan Sly. The showdown of all eternity as it seems the number three is all over the scoreboard. Three runners on base, with a 6-3 advantage by the bad guys. Three strikes of a whip on Jesus back would be the equivalent to 39 stripes today. The crowd is almost uncontrollable as they are spitting and throwing stones at Jesus as he walks to the plate. It seems like Jesus is carrying the burden of the world on his shoulders as he steps towards the plate. The hope of the world places his first foot into the batter’s box. Darkness has never seemed this thick, you can actually feel it. Just one more out and the stone is sealed placing the good guys in the grave for good.
Jesus is perfect in the series, but he really appears injured and bleeding as he drags his bat nicknamed “Cross” to the plate. Satan is a good-looking specimen with jewels around his neck. Word is he is a talented singer who expects to come out with a new album titled “Evil Wins” after tonight’s game. Jesus quietly and humbly steps into the batter’s box. The crowd is in a frenzy of hate and seems convinced this game is over.
Pitch one is right down the center of the plate for strike one. Jesus seems uncommonly calm in the storm as he takes the first pitch with a smile. Jesus presence has Satan in a tizzy. He unloads pitch two up and in on Jesus. The pitch looks unhittable but to everyone’s surprise the kid from Bethlehem turns on the pitch crushing the ball on a rope straight down towards the foul pole in left field. The ravage crowd goes deafly quiet as all of creation seems to have eyes on the ball propelling toward the bleachers. In a game of inches, it is only eternity that rides on this call. As the ball sails over the foul pole, it is impossible to tell if the ball is fair or foul. All eyes turn towards the head umpire Pontas Pilate, who seems to be preparing to call a foul ball long before the ball reaches the outfield fence. “Foul Ball”, cries Pilate. Funny think about it, Jesus never even left the box, it was like he knew the future or something.
The hush of the crowd flips on a dime as ever demon in hell screeched in victory, even though the count is still 0-2. Jesus seems well aware that even his own followers have bailed on him, only a few trusted followers seem to still believe there is any hope of life left for the good guys.
Satan throws the next two pitches way off the plate, the next pitch lands in the dirt. Sly is trying to tempt Jesus to chase, but the Rock of Ages stands strong in his discipline bringing the count full at three balls and two strikes. The future of the world for every single person since Adam and Eve is riding on this next pitch. The game of the century comes down to now. The bad guys manager decides to visit the mound seemingly asking Satan if he wants to put Jesus on base as Jesus seems to be the only player in the world capable of finishing the game in the favor of the good guys. Satan refuses to intentionally walk Jesus denying any chance that Jesus could defeat him.
You can feel the darkness in the air and for the first time in history, God turns his back unable to watch as the weight of the world in sin is placed on his innocent son. Jesus has two feet in the grave basically and the odds are overwhelmingly stacked like a stone rolled up against Him. Satan steps to the mound and takes the signal for the pitch. All base-runners will be on the move on the pitch. Hell’s hero begins his wind-up and the demon’s high five sensing victory at their fingertips. The champion of darkness has unleashed everything he has towards the plate. Oddly enough somebody sounds a trumpet from what seems like the clouds. Jesus under his breath whispers “It is finished” and in a blink of an eye, Jesus picks up his cross of his shoulder and swings it crushing Satan’s pitch. A force nobody has ever seen has just released resurrection power on a little white ball. A baseball is not made to feel the force of a God-Man. The game on earth is finally finished. We will leave the celebration to your own imagination, but I can promise you following Jesus is worth it. Game Over!
Photo by Ben Hershey on Unsplash